Wow! (CD35, 14DPO)

I didn’t sleep much last night. I guess I’ll get used to that eventually!
I’m still scared that my period is going to come. I know that’s insane since I took 3 positive tests but I am just so used to feeling betrayed by my body that every time I go to the washroom I am afraid to look down. Every twinge in my lower abdomen scares the crap out of me. My breasts are incredibly sore but they are for the week before my period every month so I can’t even go with that comfort.
I also had some other panic last night. I have been hoping to get pregnant for so long that it just never seemed like it would actually happen. I was having all these thoughts last night about how everything is out of my control. My body is no longer my body and there is an entire little person growing inside it and taking over. I suffer from severe anxiety so the more I think about something the worse the panic gets. Normally when I feel the panic I take an Ativan or drink chamomile tea but I am so terrified of putting anything into my body right now. I know my antidepressants are safe (Zoloft) so I’ll just have to count on them to deal with the chemicals and try to find other ways to calm myself. The new community leisure guide just came out so I’m going to try to get into a yoga class so I can get my body in shape and control my emotions as well.
Going by my Fertility Friend calculator I ovulated 14 days ago so this is still really really early. So my little bundle of cells is most likely 14 days old. My last period started 35 days ago though so I am “technically” 35 days pregnant. Pregnancy math hurts my head though! I can’t get into the OBGYN until September 16 so I won’t know any details until then. I’m hoping I can get into see my family doctor before that.
My way of dealing with new events/interests is to read everything I possibly can about it. I have been ‘collecting’ books I want in my Chapters profile for the last year or so (lots of them recommendations from my Married Me ladies). I’m poor though so I requested a bunch from the library. If I fall in love with any of them then I’ll buy them after that. The only books they didn’t have at the library that I wanted were the Dr Sears books so I think I’ll order them.
Anyhoo, that’s my news/angst/excitement for the morning.

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About katastrofik

I am a 30-something, newly single mother to a kick ass little girl. I love knitting, canning, singing karaoke and growing things. This is a blog about my adventures. View all posts by katastrofik

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